The Marauders Hit the Movies
by Elvett
Summary: What happens when Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs go to the muggle movies? Complete chaos of course! Let's just say it's a good thing Lily's around to keep the guys in check...Discontinued
1. TV Go Boom

**Authors note: I do NOT own any of these characters except for the muggle people that I make up.**

This is my first fic so bear with me ok?

**Please note** that since this is the first chapter, they're not gonna be at the movies yet.

**Summery**- Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Lily are very bored during their summer break from school.  They decide to do what any muggle teens would do: go to the movies!  So what happens when wizards go to the movies? Well, let's just say that it's a good thing Lily's around….

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The Marauders + Lily are at Lily's house.  While Lily was the kitchen looking for snacks to feed the always-hungry guys (especially Sirius who ate like a pig), the Marauders were watching Lily's TV with fascination.  The Brady Bunch was on and they were all drooling over Marsha (all except for James who was trying to peek into the kitchen).  It was now commercial break and an *Orkin Man commercial came on.  Just then, a giant cockroach walked across the screen.  James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus screamed like girls and threw their shoes at the TV. It exploded.

"Did we get it?" squeaked Peter who was hiding behind a couch cushin.

"I don't know," said James.  He and Sirius then picked up their slightly smothering shoes and slowly approached the smoking pile of television expecting a giant cockroach to come and attack.  Just then, Lily walked in.

Lily screamed.

The Marauders screamed.

The narrator screamed.

"What happened?!" she shouted at the two boys who were holding shoes.

"There's a giant bug in there!" screamed Peter pointing at the smoldering pile that used to be a television.

"A giant bug?"

"It blew up the tellawisy-thingy!"

"The television."

"Yeah….what you said!"

"A giant bug came in, blew up the TV, and is now sitting in that pile of crap." said Lily rolling her eyes.  "How do you expect me to believe that?"

"What?!!" Sirius screamed.  "Are you blind?  Look what happened to the TV!!!  If I didn't have my shoe, who knows what could have happened!!!!"

"Hey!  We threw our shoes too!" said James, Remus, and Peter together.

"Well that explains it," said Lily.  "A giant bug came, you threw your shoes at it, but before they hit, the bug blew up the TV."

"Yep," said the four guys.

"YOU MORONS!" Lily screamed.  "You blew up the TV!  My parents are going to kill me!"

"What?!  The bug did it!"

"Bugs don't blow things up!"

"They don't?"

Before Lily could answer, her sister Petunia came into the room.  She was incredibly ugly and looked incredibly like a horse.  When Padfoot saw her, he jumped and hid behind the couch.  Last time he saw Petunia, they were sleeping over at Lily's house.  Lily's parents made her let Petunia join them.  Lily thought it would be funny to start a game of Spin the Bottle because 1: the guys never heard of it before and 2: she knew one of the guys would have to kiss her sister.  Guess who that lucky guy was?  Now Petunia thought Sirius loved her and, thanks to his good looks, she found him irresistible.  Padfoot shivered at the thought of that horrible night.  Luckily, Petunia didn't notice the couch was shaking.

"Oooh…you're in for it now, Lily," she said with a very annoying voice that sounded like somebody holding their nose.

"Shut up, Petunia!"

"I can't wait until mom and dad come home!  Now you and your freak-friends won't be able to come back anymore."

"Brat," Lily muttered under her breath.

The Marauders were watching with interest.  They were waiting for a cat fight.  James couldn't let his beloved Lily get the blame though.

"Hey Petunia!" he said.  "Did you know that _Siri_ was talking about you?" He elbowed Moony in the ribs.

The couch jumped.

Petunia blushed.  "Really?" she asked in a falsely sweet voice.

"Uh…yeah…," said Remus catching on.  Then he leaned in and whispered, "He's hiding behind the couch waiting for us to leave so he can have some 'alone time' with you…"

Petunia blushed even more making herself look like a horse-shaped beet.

"And," he continued, "I don't think he would be too happy if he weren't allowed over here anymore…."

"So….," said Lily, "We'll just be going now…."

"Yep," said James.  "We'll just leave you two alone."

The couch screamed.

"Bye-bye!" they all said together as they walked towards the door just as Petunia was walking towards the couch which was still shivering.

It was when they left the house that they heard even more screaming.  Then a crash.  Hoping that the house wouldn't be destroyed and Sirius would still be alive by the time they came back, they stated walking down the street laughing.

"So…. Where to now?" James asked casually like nothing happened.  Peter was turning red from laughing.

"Hmmmm….," Lily said, "Have you guys ever hung around a muggle town?"

"Yep," replied James grinning evilly, "Good times…a muggle kid tried to hit me…so we kinda gave him some acid pops…oh you should have seen-"

"You did WHAT?"

"You know…acid pops…they're the ones tha-"

"I know what they do!  How old was he?!"

"Hmmm...Around five."

"You gave a five year-old acid pops?!!!"

"He tried to hit me!"

"Oh really?"

"Or maybe it was his brother…"  
  


Lily smacked James in the head.

"So…," said Remus, "Where _are we going?"_

"We're gonna take the muggle bus," replied Lily.

"Muggle bus?!!! Why?"

"Because the Knight Bus is very annoying to ride on."

"Okay…then where are we going?"

"We'll decide later."

"Ok…"

They were almost at the bus stop when a black shaggy dog came sprinting down the street with its tail between its legs.  When it reached the four teens it stopped and turned into a very scared and disturbed-looking Sirius.  

"I'm ….going….to kill…you guys…" he managed to say.

"So…" said James trying to act like nothing happened, "How'd it go?"

Without warning, Sirius lunged and started punching the closest person to him-Remus.  Remus started fighting back.  All of a sudden, one of Padfoot's blows hit Peter instead of the werewolf, so Peter now joined the fight.  James stood there, shrugged, and joined in too for no apparent reason.  Lily muttered, "Men…"

Then she heard a sound in the distance.

"Ok, break it up!  The bus is coming!"

"Really?" said Sirius.  "Where are we going?"

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A/N: Hows that for a first chapter?  Yeah, I know they didn't go anywhere yet, so bear with me here!

Since I have no confidence in myself, I don't know what I should think about my fic….its ok if you think it sux because its my first fic…anyway, Please review so I know if im doin good or not! PLEASE?

Oh… in case you're wondering, I chose Sirius's last line because I luv Merry and Pippin from LotR.

I don't know when the next chapter will be in 'cause I don't know how much free time I'll have….

*In case you're wonderin, Orkin is this bug killer Co. that actually has a commercial with a giant cockroach crawl across the screen.  They got sued because a few people who saw it thought it was a real bug and broke their TVs because they threw something at it (sound familiar?)

~anyway…bye for now! ~

                                                                                                Da Elf


	2. Songs and Hello Kitty dolls

A/n: Hello again! I'm not in a good mood so I thought I should start on my next chapter so I don't go insane…its kinda too late for that….oh well.

I'm having a contest!  See the end of the chapter for details.

**I do not own any of these characters except for the muggles that I make up. Don't sue me! I only have 33cents in my pocket… I'm serious too!**

**Chapter 2 summary:**  the Marauders on a muggle bus….that's kinda self-explanatory….

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Chapter 2~   The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round….

"We're going to hang around the muggle-town," Lily replied.

"Excellent….," said Sirius grinning evilly like James.  "I remember last time we did that.  A five year-old tried to-,"

"So I've heard," said Lily looking more than a little annoyed.

Before Padfoot could answer, the bus came to a stop.  It was a city bus with a Lord of the Rings movie advertisement on the side.

"A muggle bus?!!!" Padfoot shouted, "Shhhh!" said Remus putting his hand over Sirius's mouth.

When the bus doors opened, the Marauders screamed like girls again.  The four boys were about to climb on when Lily cried, "Wait!  I forgot to give you your money!"

"That's ok," said Peter.  "I've already got some."  He took out a bag filled with several sickles.

"_Muggle _money, not _our_ money!"  Remus hissed in his ear.  Peter put his money away.  So did Sirius and James who had just taken out a galleon each.  Meanwhile, Lily was frantically searching her pockets for any notes she might have.

"Here!" she said finally putting several coins and a bill into everybody's hands.  They looked at the money very confused.  James bit his to see if they were real.  They nearly broke his teeth, while he almost tore the bill in half. Meanwhile, the bus driver was staring at them wondering if they were being stupid on purpose.  He was middle-aged, balding, and was a little fat.  His name was Herman (he he I think the name Herman is funny.  No offense to any Herman's out there!).

One by one the Marauders + Lily stepped onto the bus.  Lily went first so the boys knew how to give the driver money instead of doing something stupid.  Unfortunately, James can sometimes be pretty stupid.  He had just given Herman his muggle-money when he said, "I'd like some hot chocolate with that too."

Uh-oh.

Herman stared at him.

"Uhhh…yeah.  Hot-choc-late," Prongs said very slowly.  Then he whispered to Sirius, "Do muggles drink hot chocolate?"

"I dunno…Wormtail, do muggles wink at sock mats?"

"I dunno…Moony, is Snuggles pink like cats?"

"Uhhhh…Lily, tug the poles to think like rats."

"What?"

"I dunno, that's what Peter said."

"That's what Sirius said."

"That's what James said."

Meanwhile, Herman was watching the whispering conversation very confused.  Hot chocolate?  Were they playing a trick, or were they just very stupid?  Before he could think about this any longer, the red-head smacked the hot-chocolate-kid on the head and steered him to a seat towards the back of the bus.  Thank god that was over.

The Marauders all found their seats.  Lily sat with James, Remus sat next to Sirius, and Peter had nobody to sit next to so he ended up sitting next to a scary homeless person who was muttering to himself and playing with a Hello Kitty doll.  Peter was scared.  Very scared. Meanwhile, Lily was keeping a close eye on James in case he did another stupid thing.   But Sirius was having the time of his life pulling on the string that buzzes when you pull it.  Every time he yanked at it, the bus stopped.  _It's amazing how muggles do this without magic! he thought. __ I should take Muggle Studies next year!  He pulled the string every two seconds until Moony noticed how frustrated Herman was becoming and pushed Padfoot away from the window seat.  Sirius was sad until (because of his low intention span) he became interested in a song a 3 year-old was singing who was sitting right across from him next to her mother._

"The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round…'round and 'round…'round and 'round…"

Meanwhile, James was sitting in the window seat next to Lily so he wouldn't cause a commotion in the isle.  He was having fun making up a song of his own while the bus passed many different muggle stores and restaurants.

"Denny's, Wendy's, Eat. N. Park!  Looooong Johhhhhhhhhhn Silllllllllllllllllllllllver's! 

Value City, Circuit city!  Toooooooooys RRRRRRRRRRRR UUUUUUUUuuuuus!"  It was a very addictive song to sing.

Peter was too scared to sing anything. The homeless guy was taking care of that.  He was singing:

"Myyyyyyyy, my, this here Anakin Guy! May be Vader some say later but he's just a small fry!  He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye! Singin 'Soon I'm gonna be a Jediiiiiiii!  Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi!'"

That was enough to scare anybody.

Sirius was learning how to sing about the wheels on the bus. 

People were starting to stare at James who was now singing about Giant Eagle and Wal-Mart.

The homeless man changed his song:

"But stream and pool, 

is wet and cool….

so nice for feet…

we only WISH (bangs Hello Kitty doll on the window)

to catch a FISH! (BANG!)

so juicy-sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"

(_bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)_

Sirius was sad again.  The little girl's mom saw who she was talking to and took her to the front of the bus.  

While all this was happening, Herman was going insane.  5 people were singing at once and a homeless guy was banging his head on the window.  One more thing and he would explode.

Sirius was bored so he decided to talk to Lily and Prongs.  Lily hit James on the head again to shut him up so now both were silent.  Since the 3 year-old's seat was right in front of them, he decided to sit there. Remus followed too.  Sirius turned around in his seat to face them.

"So…," he said. "Have you decided where we're goin yet?"

"No.  I can't think when everybody on this bus is making all this noise!"

"Like this?"  Sirius pulled on the buzzy string again.

_BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_

"THAT'S IT!!!  EVERYONE IN THE BACK OF THE BUS: OUT!!!!"  Herman finally lost it.  The bus came to a stop in the middle of a busy street and almost got hit by a car.

The Marauders + the homeless guy screamed like girls.  Peter practically ran out of the bus to get away from the musical Hello Kitty homeless guy.  Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus followed.  The 3 year-old waved goodbye to Padfoot and started to cry. When they got out, Herman put on the gas and sped down the road.  He left them in the middle of a four-way intersection.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!"  Remus screamed as a taxi almost hit him.  The 5 teens ran off the road as fast as they possibly could.  

"Now where are we?" asked Prongs.

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How'd you like chapter 2?

PLEEEEEAAAASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****I'm having a contest!  I need to decide which movie the Marauders go to see. 

 It doesn't have to be a movie from the 70's.  It can be anything from The Matrix, to the Lion King.

  I just need help deciding.

  Whoever sends me the movie I put in, will be a character in one of the future chapters! 

(Don't worry; I'll try to give you a good part.) I'll accept movie ideas until Wednesday, 10/29/03 so I can have time to write the story.

Oh yeah! : Be sure to put at least your first name (or any other name that you would like to be called as a character) so I know what your character's name will be!!!!! 

(**Sorry, Blackie: I don't know your name!!! Or do you want me to use Blackie? If not: Please send it!)**

*Me, my brother, and my sister actually made up the "Denny's, Wendy's…." song.  Don't ask. It was about 5 years ago and I still remember it.  That's what happens when you put 3 bored kids in the car.  We never got farther than "Toooys RRRR UUUUuuus…." *sigh*

Eep! 

Guess what readers?

  If I do a book report on the Two Towers and Return of the King, I get to see the 3rd movie during school at the theater during school hours! 

 Cool, huh? But I just realized that the Two Towers report is due on Friday!  I've had a month to do it and now I only have about 6 days! I always do that…darn me and my lazy habits!  Oh well… better start…

Bye-bye for now! 

 I'll try to decide on the movie on Wednesday! And because I'm feeling nice today, the runner-up movies will also be playing at the theater! You'll probably see advertisements for them…but some of them will have their own previews for the Marauders to watch

 (I'll try to add yur names somewhere, but I can't make any promises)!

                                                                                                            **DaElf**


	3. Teddy bear!

**Author's note: **I am soooooooo sorry that I didn't get to update sooner….don't eat me! *angry mob holding torches, forks, and knives puts down their weapons and backs away whistling* okay…any way…

Oh yeah: I forgot to tell you the winner of my contest!  The winner is…*there is a drum roll out of nowhere and invisible people are playing trumpets*

Think! Think! Think! *hits self on head with fist*

Ok….

And the winner is……

Wait a minute! You have to read to find out! 

Ok…I guess I have to start before the angry mob comes back…*angry mob backs away whistling again*

**Summery: **the five teens are finally at the movie theater! And James and Sirius are being stupid again!

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**Chapter 3:**

The Marauders + Lily found themselves at a huge shopping center.  There were stores, stores, and more stores!  As soon as Lily saw this, her eyes lit up.  James (who is always watching Lily) noticed this and became very scared.  He was with a teenage girl in a middle of a shopping center.  This was bad.

"Hey, everybody!" he said, desperately trying to get Lily's attention off shopping so they wouldn't have to carry enormous bags of clothes for her.  "Look! Another bus!  Why don't we-"

"NO!" screamed Lily, Remus, and Peter at the same time.  Sirius didn't say anything.  He missed the little girl who taught him how to sing the wheels on the bus.  He was sad. 

James was trying to think fast.  Then he spotted a humongous building that defiantly didn't look like a store.  It had a big sign in it that said, "Destinta".  He had no idea what Destinta meant, but it would have to do.  He turned to Sirius who was looking at the ground wondering where the 3 year-old was now.

 "Hey Padfoot!  Look!  A giant teddy bear!"  He shouted.

Sirius looked up excitedly.  He loved teddy bears (don't ask me why, he just does, ok?).  "Teddy bear? Where? Where?  Where? Which way did it go?"

"In there!" said James pointing to the huge building.  Without warning, Sirius bolted as fast as he possibly could to the building so he could see the giant bear.  The other teens had no choice but to run after him so he wouldn't cause destruction to the muggles in the building.

"What'd you do that for?!" screamed Lily, "Now he's going to go crazy looking for teddy bears!"

Meanwhile, Sirius had already entered the building.  It was huge inside there and filled with a lot of muggles.  This was just great.  How was he supposed to find the teddy bear in this mess?  _Oh well, he thought.  _Better start now._  _

Lily, Remus, and Peter came in about a minute later followed by James who was pleased by how well his plan went.  The three wizards were amazed.  They were in a huge place with posters hanging everywhere.  Along the walls were lots of arcade games.  Towards the back of the room was a muggle food stand.  "Wow…" said the three boys at once.

"Oh, thanks a lot James," said Lily sarcastically.  "It's going to take us an hour to find Sirius in a movie theater!"

"Movie?" said Wormtail.  "Isn't that that thing that we watch at your house?"

"Yes."

"Why do they have theaters for them?"

"So you can see them on the Big Screen"

"….."

"I'll show you, but only after we find Mr. Teddy-Bear-Boy."

"There he is!" said Remus.  It was actually very easy to find Sirius because he was only about 2 feet away staring at a crane machine.

"Whatcha lookin at, Padfoot?" asked James who was suddenly curious of what the big machine was.  Sirius pointed at a bunch of stuffed animal prizes that were under a big claw at the top of the machine.  Sure enough, on the top of the stuffed-animal pile was….a teddy bear!

"How am I supposed to get it out?" he asked.

"It's a muggle game, Sirius," said Lily.  "You put to coins into that hole, (she pointed to the coin slot) and then you steer that claw to go and try to grab one of those prizes.  No one ever wins this game so you don't even want to try."

"I wanna try!" said Padfoot.  Lily sighed.  "Fine." she said.  "But only once.  You are NOT going to spend all my money on stupid games."

One hour later.

"Sirius, that's enough!"

"No!  Just one more try!  I know I'll get it this time!"

"That's what you said 20 minutes ago!!!  Plus there's a line of about 10 kids waiting for their turn!"

"But this time I really mean it!"

"I seriously doubt that."

"Just one more try!  Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?"  Sirius put on his puppy-dog face.

"Oh no…not the puppy-dog face."

Sirius whined.

"ALRIGHT!!!!!  But this is the last time!!!!!"  Sirius received two more coins and practically jumped for joy.  He put the money in and (once again) aimed the crane over the teddy bear.  He pressed the button for it to go down and the claw grabbed the teddy's head and pulled.  To everybody's surprise, the bear was lifted into the air and brought back to the hole where the prizes came out.  Everybody including the kids at the end of the line cheered.  But there was just one tiny problem: the claw wouldn't let go of the bear.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Padfoot cried.  "Give me my bear! Its mine!  MINE I TELL YOU!!!!"  With that he started to kick the machine. "Give *kick* me *kick* my *kick* teddy *kick* bear!"  

The little kids in line started to get scared.  "Sirius, stop it!"  Lily hissed at him.  If he didn't stop soon, the movie theater people were going to kick them out.

"NOT UNTIL IT GIVES ME MY BEAR!" Padfoot shouted.

Curious, Peter stepped up to the machine and pressed the button that made the claw go down.  It let go of the bear.  "Teddy!" Sirius cried and took the stuffed animal out of the prize hole.  Then he gave it a big hug.  (Readers: Awwww…) the crowd that had formed around the crane machine cheered.  

Sirius turned to Lily while they were walking away from the crowd. "I told you I'd get it this time!  See! I was being serious!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Sirius, you're never serious."

Sirius stuck out his tongue (still hugging the bear).

"Lily," said Remus. "You never told us what the big screen thingy is."

"Big screen thingy?" said Sirius who had missed that whole conversation. "Whats that?"

"Ok…" said Lily trying to think of how he could explain this to 4 wizards who have never heard of a lamp before.  "You know what my TV looked like before you idiots blew it up?"  The Marauders nodded.  "Well, its kinda like that except it only shows movies and is about 20 times bigger and its darker inside where you watch it and you watch it with about 50 other people and its a lot louder and better."

Marauders:  . . . .

Lily sighed.  "Fine.  We'll go see one.  Hopefully it will get you away from muggle-destruction for a few hours. But first we have to figure out what movie we're going to see.  C'mon"  The 4 guys followed Lily to the tickets-seller-people.  While they were walking they were looking at the movie posters with interest and pointing them out.

"The Ring….what's that supposed to be about?  Eep!  That girl looks freaky…"  That earned James a smack on the head from Lily.

"Shrek…?  Ok…Ahhh!  It's an ugly green guy!"

"Snivellus?  Where?"  The Marauders burst out laughing.  Lily was not amused.

"You guys _really _need to stop picking on him, you know," she said.  "Especially _you _James, so stop laughing!"  He got smacked on the head again.

"Would you stop doing that?!  You smacked me 4 times already today!"

"Then stop being stupid!"

"Hmmph!"

"C'mon you guys!" said Padfoot.  "Hey, look at this one!  Pirates of the Caribbean…didn't we learn about pirates in History of Magic?"

"Padfoot, that guy looks like you…in about 20 years…maybe…" said Wormtail uncertainly pointing to a picture of Captain Jack Sparrow holding a bottle of rum.  Everybody started laughing again.

"Hey it does!" said Remus between breaths.  "Especially with the rum!"

"I only tried it that one time!" said Sirius defensively.

"One time?!  You go to the Hog's Head every time you get the chance to sneak into Hogsmeade!"

"Shut up, Jam- wait a minute…how do you know about that?"

"I dunno…a certain cloak, perhaps?"

"You follow me?!"

"_Somebody _needs to bring you back to Hogwarts once you pass out."

"WHAT?!"

"Drinking kills your memory cells, Padfoot.  You should have known that ever since the incident with the drunken potheads."

This got Lily interested.  "Drunken potheads?" she asked.  "Was this the same day as the acid-pop incident?"

"Uhhh….let's change the subject…"

"Wait a minute!  Were they _muggle _drunken potheads?"

"Ummm….no…" said Sirius.

"They were, weren't they?"

"Umm…yes,"

Lily sighed and looked at the ceiling as if to say, "Why me?"

"Er, let's go," said Peter, knowing this was a bad conversation to get into.  The Marauders had taken a vow not to speak of what happened that night.

So they continued to walk and look at the posters.

"Lord of the Rings…The Fellowship of the Ring…what's that about?  Are they a club that collects jewelry?  Why would they have a movie about that?"

Lily looked at them.  "You've never read that book, have you?" she said.  "It's a really good one.  I'm surprised you never heard of it…I never thought they could make a movie for it!  Geez!  It must be long!"  Lily looked around.  "Where did Remus go?"

The other boys looked around too.  Yep, Remus was gone.  Right before they were about to run around yelling his name, James saw him.  Moony was standing about 20 feet behind them looking at a poster with a look of confusion on his face.

"Whatcha lookin at Moon-"James stopped in the middle of his sentence and started to stare at the poster too.  Lily and Peter followed and were about to ask why everyone was standing around looking like idiots when their eyes caught sight of the poster.

Sirius came over about 5 seconds later and looked at the poster.  "Relative of yours, Prongs?" he asked.  

"Not that I know of… 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban'…eep! He looks like me!  Darn! If I have a twin that my parents didn't tell me about who happens to be in Azkaban, my mom and dad are gonna have some explaining to do…"

"I don't think that's the case," said Sirius grinning mischievously.  "Look at his eyes…"

Remus looked.  "_Green eyes…"_

Peter looked too.  "Lily, are you sure you're muggle-born?"

"Of course I am!  And why would Harry Potter be in Azkaban when it says 'Harry Potter _and the Prisoner of Askaban'?"_

"Oh, good point…"

"Do you think this is set in the future?" asked Padfoot.

"Why?"

Sirius and Remus were both grinning.  "Because that boy just _happens to have James's hair and Lily's eyes…"_

Sirius got smacked on the head this time while James was staring at Lily. "I wanna see that movie!!!!" he said.

The others agreed. All except for Peter.  "I wanted to see Shrek!" he whined.  Nobody listened to him.

"We are not seeing a movie about Snivellus!"  James got smacked.

The five teens arrived at the ticket place.

Lily went up to get the tickets when something caught Sirius's eye.  Lily started talking to the ticket-person.  "Five tickets for-"

"For whatever is showing in Theater #7!!!!" cried Padfoot.

"Sirius, shut up."

"NO!!!  I need to go into Theater #7!!!!!"

"Why?"

"Because!!!!!" he cried.  Then without warning, he started sprinting towards Theater #7.   He was about to go in, but the guard at the door stopped him.

"Do you have a ticket?" he asked.

"No," Sirius panted.  "But I _really _need to go in there!"

"You're not allowed in unless you have a ticket."

"But-but-but-"

Meanwhile, Lily, Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail were still at the ticket place.

"What's showing at #7?" Lily asked one of the guys selling the tickets.

"The Lord of the Rings," he replied.

"Okay…we'll have 5 tickets for that."

"What?!" yelled Peter.  "I'm not gonna see a movie about a jewelry club!"

The ticket-guy stared at him.  "You never heard of Lord of the Rings have you?"

"No but-"

"We are going to see it anyway before Sirius kills the guard at the door," interrupted Lily.  "That way, you can find out that it is not even close to being about a jewelry club."

"Fine!" pouted Wormtail.  Then he mumbled something about Shrek.

Clearing his throat, the ticked-guy said, "That will be $40."

"40?!" cried Lily. 

"Well, its only $5 before five o-clock, but since it's six, its now $8 per ticket."

"You guys are paying me back," Lily mumbled to the 3 Marauders next to her.

The ticket-guy gave them their tickets and they ran off to #7 before Sirius did something stupid.

Sirius was about to tackle the guard at the door when James shoved his ticket in his hand.

 "Oh!" said Sirius. "Cool!" with that, he burst through the door and disappeared.

"Why is he so anxious to get in there?" asked Remus.

"I dunno," said James. "Let's go."

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Author's note:

Aren't I bad?  Did I trick anyone into thinking that they were going to see Harry Potter?  Next chapter**: PREVEIWS! Yay!**

**Congrats to soblack113** who was the first one to say Lord of the Rings! Melanie will be a character starting next chapter! 

**Marauderluver4-ever:** I'm really sorry that you didn't get it because you also had LotR as an answer.  Sooorrry! I feel really bad now… :(  I award you second place!  But I don't know how to award you so I'll put you in a preview.

**To anyone who suggested Harry Potter as the movie: **I was actually gonna pick that. But then I thought about it and I didn't want it to be too weird…sorry to those people! So you guys get the honor of 3rd place!

**BloodyLily: **your reviews are very strange…

**Anne-Evans89: **I promise that I won't torture Sirius anymore.  It was funny though.  Sorry for the mental images.  Eep!  Austin Powers actually wasn't a bad idea! Now that I think about it, it would have been a good movie!

**To anybody whose wondering why Padfoot and Prongs are stupid**: Sorry, but its fun making them stupid!

**BloodyLily **(again) Drunken Potheads!

Don't ask….and **_no _**I do not drink and I do not do drugs is case any of you are wondering.

Thanx to all who reviewed! I feel special!  Go me!

How did you think of this chapter?  Yes, James was actually a bit smarter…weird…

Keep the reviews coming and I'm very sorry that this chapter was delayed! 

                                                                                            Until next chapter,

                                                                                                            Da Elf!


	4. Sneewus, Snuffles, and jewelryclub chaos

 **Disclaimer: **I own nothing!!!! Ok, over X-mas break I got more than 33 cents (finally) but I take no ownership even in my made-up characters! Well….I do…so don't take them or die!

**A/N:** Sorry for the uh…delay…I'll try not to let that happen again…

I don't think it matters. I really doubt that any of you were desperately waiting for the next chapter to come. **And if you were**: you are a strange person.

**Summery: They finally arrive where their movie is playing, Padfoot is reunited with a friend, and there is Jewelry-Club chaos!**

**---------- ---------- ------------ ------------- ------------- ---**

**Chapter 4: Sneewus, Snuffles, and jewelry-club chaos.**

James, Lily, Peter, and Remus were lucky: the movie didn't start for another 20 minutes. Therefore, they began yet another search for Sirius. They were in a big theater. About 15 other people were already seated and the lights were still on since the movie hadn't started yet.

They all walked down the aisle to see where Sirius was. Remus wasn't really paying attention because he was watching the advertisements on the big screen. A picture of a police officer came on and the screen read, "Hunts Drunk Drivers for a Living". Moony pointed this out to the others who all became equally confused (except Lily). 

"Does he let them go? Or does he eat them?" asked James.

"I wonder if he uses their heads for trophies," said Remus who was remembering a deer's head that was hung in Lily's house and was shot by her father when out hunting."

Everyone backed away from Moony.

"What's a driver?" asked the always-clueless Peter.

Lily sighed. "You guys are impossible."

"What's that supposed to mean?" they all said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Nothing

Their conversation was interrupted by someone yelling, "What do you think you're doing?!"

The four teens looked at each other. "Sirius," they said in unison.

They ran to the middle of the theater where they saw a bad scene. There was a girl about their age who was holding onto a little girl's arm. Sirius was holding onto the other arm. Each was pulling like they were in a game of tug-o-war. The little girl didn't seem to mind for some odd reason and was saying, "Weeeeeeeeeee!"

"Let go of her, you freak!" the older girl shouted.

Sirius either didn't pay attention to what she was saying, or he didn't care. "No!" he said stubbornly. 

The four other teens came up to stop the craziness before one of the muggles in the theater called security. James and Peter went to make Padfoot let go of the little girl. They practically had to tackle Sirius before he let go. 

"Hey!" Sirius shouted as he tried to get hold of the little girl again.

Meanwhile Lily and Remus (being the smart ones…sometimes) went over to apologize while the others tried to subdue Padfoot. It was then when they realized that the little girl was the one who taught Padfoot how to sing "The Wheels on the Bus" and she was trying to get back to him. Meanwhile the girl their age (who still thought Sirius was a weirdo trying to kidnap the 3 year old) was still holding onto her arm and looking at Padfoot warily. 

Lily talked first. "Um…sorry about our friend. He's a little…" –she thought for a moment trying to put all the things Sirius was all into one word- "…weird."

"The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round…" Sirius sang, oblivious.

The little girl pulled out of the muggle-teen's grasp and ran over to Sirius to join in the song.

Remus looked over at the singing duo then back. "Don't worry, he won't steal her. At least I hope not." Lily coughed pointedly at Remus who continued. "Um…I mean…well he met-what's her name?"

The muggle looked at Remus as if trying to decide if he wasn't a weirdo also trying to kidnap someone and said "Erin."

"Ok. Erin," Moony continued.  "So he met Erin on a mug-I mean on a bus an hour or two ago and somehow they developed a friendship because of a… er… song." He said lamely.

The muggle girl looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  "A song?" she said skeptically. 

"The wipers on the bus go SWISH SWISH SWISH! SWISH SWISH SWISH! SWISH SWISH SWISH!" Sirius and his new little friend sang.

"_That _song," said Lily.  "So we apologize for any inconvenience. _Right, Sirius?_

Sirius looked up.  "What? Um…sure."

"I guess it's ok," said the muggle.  "It's not everyday where some maniac's about to take the kid you're supposed to be babysitting away."

"Good. That's settled," said Lily not bothering to correct the muggle about Sirius being a maniac.  "Um…hi, I'm Lily. This is Remus." –she gestured towards the 3 other boys—"And that's James, Peter, and obviously Sirius."

"Hi," said the three guys.

"I'm Melanie," said the muggle now known as Melanie.

Everyone said, "Hi, Melanie!" sounding like one of those support groups.

James looked at Erin who continued the song with Padfoot. "Wait a minute, we got kicked off in front of the theater and the bus just left us here. How did she get here so fast?"

Lily rolled her eyes (yet again) "Have you forgotten the hour we spent at the crane game waiting for Sirius to get his teddy?"

"Oh. I forgot about that"

"Obviously. Wait…are you her sister then?" she said turning again to Melanie.

"Nope. 'Sitter.  Her parents are off seeing some weird R- rated movie so they asked me to take her to a more appropriate movie for her to see.

"But this is PG-13"

Melanie sighed. "I know. But compared to the movie her parents are seeing, this is a G movie about a happy little bunny named Fluffy. Plus I really wanted to see this movie." She added guiltily. 

The guys looked up. "So…what movie _are _they seeing?" asked Peter. The other boys nodded eagerly.

"Please don't tell them," said Lily. "You will only encourage them.

Melanie looked around so she could change the subject. "How about we find our seats then?"

The group of 7 now got into an argument on where to sit. Three of them wanted to sit in the front and another 3 wanted to sit in the back. Peter wanted to leave so he could see Shrek. 

The teens finally decided on sitting in the middle of the theater in the middle row. They sat in this order: Melanie, Erin, Sirius, James, Lily, Remus, Peter. That way, everyone was happy. Except for Peter. He wanted to leave.

James looked at his watch. "Aw…we still have 10 minutes left!" he complained. Then his stomach grumbled. "Lily, what happened top those snacks you were making?"

"What snacks?" Lily asked confused.

"When we were watching that show before the evil bug attacked, you were making us food!"

"Oh, those snacks," Lily said. "Wait a minute! I left the stove on! Oh no!" she said looking around nervously as if one of them knew how to turn to stove off from far away without a wand.  Her panic turned into anger. "This is all your fault!" she yelled at the guys.

"What did we do?!"

"You blew up the television and distracted me! You better pray that Petunia was smart enough to turn the stove off. And you are begging for a miracle if you want Petunia to be smart."

Sirius and Peter were on their knees and were looking at the ceiling saying, "Please let Petunia be smart enough to turn the stove off."

Lily sighed. "So who is volunteering to get food?"

"I will!" said Peter and Sirius at the same time getting off the floor. They both ate the most and were hoping for the most food.

Erin jumped up. "I wanna go if Siwees goes!" she didn't know how to pronounce Padfoot's name.

"Oh no you don't," said Melanie. "The last time I took you too a movie you ran off and sat on an old guy's lap thinking he was Santa"

"But he was Santa! He had a really long white beard!"

"But he wasn't fat. _And _he had glasses. That doesn't sound like him to me. Just because someone has a beard, it doesn't mean they're Santa."

"But haven't you ever seen 'The Santa Clause'?  Santa starts out skinny! Then goes fat during Christmas time!  _And_ he gave me that dolly I wanted! Remember?"

"First of all, I don't think 'The Santa Claus' worked that way, and second of all-"she thought for a moment.  "That thing about the doll was pretty weird though.  The doll she wanted was sold out in all the toy stores, then Poof! Some random person just pulls one out of his pocket! Then he asked us if we wanted a lemon drop for crying out loud!"

The Marauders and Lily exchanges glances. The muggles better not be talking about who they thought they were talking about.

Since Erin going to get food with them was out of the question, Padfoot had no choice but to stay in the theater.

"Um…I'll go with Peter to get the food," said Remus who was trying to change the subject. Since Erin going to get food with them was out of the question, Padfoot had no choice but to stay in the theater. Then he turned to Lily. "I don't have mug—I mean I spent all my money on my ticket."

Lily gave him a death glare. "I'm going to be broke now! I pay for the bus, the 50 crane games, the tickets, and now the food! I was going to go shopping with that, you know.  That money was saved from my birthday and last Christmas!"

James was glad she didn't go shopping with that money.

Lily handed the two Marauders her last $20(why she had that much money with her, I do not know. Let's just say Mr. and Mrs. Evans were rich) and they left the theater.

Lily leaned back in her seat and sighed. "I'm broke. This is just great. Maybe I can steal some money from that girl I am forced to call a sister."

Meanwhile Padfoot returned to his seat next to Erin who said, "Hi Siwees!"

"No, it's _Sirius._"

"Seeweeis"

"Seer-e-us"

"Sneewus"

"Sirius"

"Snivellus"

Sirius looked at Erin wide-eyed. James fell off his chair laughing. That wasn't a smart thing to do. The floor was sticky.

Sirius kicked Prongs and tried again. "_Sirius"_

Poor Erin had no idea how to say it. "Sneerwees"

"**_Sirius!_"**

"Snuffles"

This time Melanie started to laugh.

"WHAT NOW?!" yelled Sirius who was tired of being laughed at.

When Melanie finally calmed down she said, "Snuffles is her dog's name." Then Lily joined in laughing.

Sirius however, was thoughtful. "Snuffles it is!" he announced.  Anything associated with dogs had to be good!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Remus and Peter were getting lost.

"I think we came from this way," said Peter, pointing to the left.

"But I thought we came from the other way."

"I know! Let's go straight! That way, neither of us will be wrong!"

"Um…sure."

They walked straight which led right into theater #8. Little did they know that #8 was showing Shrek. They opened the door and walked about 3 feet when they heard:

"There's an arrow in your butt!" "Well, would you look at that?"

"I'm outta here."

"Right behind you."

They ran right out of the theater, turned left, and ran down the hall into #5. This theater was showing Pirates of the Caribbean. This time they heard: But why is the rum gone?

"Because Padfoot drank it all," said Wormtail.

"This isn't right either! Why can't we find the stupid food stand?!" yelled a frustrated Remus.

They ended up visiting 3 other theaters. The movies were The Ring, Terminator, and another showing of Lord of the Rings. Peter still believed it to be about a jewelry club. 

"Muggles think of strange movies," he said.

After exiting yet another theater, the two guys smelled fresh popcorn. 

"Food!" they yelled and sprinted away.  They followed the smell and finally made it back to the lobby. Soon they found the line for snacks. Remus took the $20 bill out. 

"That doesn't look like money. Are we supposed to trade it for food?" Asked Peter.

"That's what you do with money," said Remus.

"Oh yeah."

"Can I help the next person in line?" said the guy at the register who was just a teen working at a theater as his summer job.

"Oh, we don't need help," said Wormtail. "We wanted to buy food."

"Uh…that's what I meant," said the cashier.

"Well you should have said that in the first place!" said Peter.

Remus stomped on Peter's foot and went to order while the other teen was jumping up and down on one foot. He looked up at the menu above the popcorn machine.

"How big is the Jumbo Popcorn?"

The cashier disappeared for a moment behind the counter then came up holding a big bucket for popcorn.

"That's good…I think. And we'll have…"

"Snow Caps!" said Peter who found himself looking at the candy. "And gummy bears! And whoppers! Um…and a super-sized slushy!" He had no idea what half of them were, but they all sounded good.

The cashier added up the total on the register and said, "That would be $23.00."

Remus held out the $20.

"That's $20. You need about 3 more."

"But we don't have more"

"Then you have to get rid of one the items"

"Why?" asked Wormtail.

"Because you don't have enough money," said the cashier.

"Can I borrow some money then?" asked Peter.

"No…"

Remus noticed the growing line forming behind them and said, "Just get rid of some of the candy already!"

"But I want all of it!" Wormtail complained.

"Well you can't have all of it! And we have to hurry up! The movie starts in 2 minutes!"

"I don't even want to see that stupid jewelry club movie! Who would name a movie Lord of the Rings?! It's stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I bet that the movie is stupid and I bet the people in it are stupid and I bet the books Lily was talking about are stupid! I bet the person who made these was stupid!"

The cashier glanced at the line and then whispered to Wormtail, "I'd run if I were you."

"What? Why….? Oh"

There whole line behind them was made of obsessive Lord of the Rings fans. Each one was giving Peter a death glare that could outmatch present-day Snape's. They looked like they were about to attack.

"Eep."

Remus thought fast. He shoved the popcorn in Wormtail's arm, picked up the slushy, snocaps, and gummy bears, threw the whoppers at the cashier, ("Keep the change!") and screamed, "RUN!"

"Get him!" yelled a random fan-girl.

As the 2 Marauders sprinted out of the lobby, the crowd followed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Meanwhile, the remaining teens in the theater (plus Erin) were completely clueless about the chaos going on outside. James, Sirius, and Erin were having the time of their lives while Lily and Melanie were just getting annoyed.

Erin got bored of the bus song. Because of that, Prongs taught them how to sing "Denny's, Wendy's…"

A lot of muggles were starting to stare at them. Melanie turned to Lily. "Do they do this a lot?"

"You have no idea."

Before the trio could finish the second verse of the song, half of the lights in the theater went out.

"AHHHHH!!! DEMENTORS! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" James screamed on the top of his lungs.

"Shh!" said someone in the back row.

"Dementors…?" asked Melanie, confused again.

"Um…James has ADD," said Lily "He gets distracted sometimes. _Right James?"_

"What's ADD?" asked James.

"Never mind," said Melanie focusing on the screen and forgetting James's disorder.  "Just be quiet. The previews are coming and they're the best part!"

Before James and Sirius could ask where the dementors were, the screen suddenly lit up.

James and Sirius screamed again.

Screen: 

**Welcome to Destinta!**

"Thank you!" said James.

**Please no talking! **

The Marauders shut up.

**Turn off all cell phones!**

Sirius piped up (forgetting the no-talking rule) "what's a cell phone?"

Melanie wondered if they were being stupid on purpose.

**Please don't smoke!**

"Darn!" said James pounding a fist on his knee.

"_What?!"_ Lily said.

"Just kidding!"

"You better be."

**Enjoy hot popcorn and cool drinks at the lobby!**

"Moony and Wormtail are already getting them! Stupid screen."

"Shut up James."

Suddenly the screen went blank and the audience waited for the previews to start.

-------- -------- --------- --------- ---------- -------- -------- 

**PLEASE REWIEW!!!!!!!! if you do, you get virtual butterbeer!(everyone else gets acidpops. Watch out.)**

**Next Chapter: **Previews! 

I spent lots of time trying to think of a good name for the 3 year-old and finally decided on Erin. 

Reason: I know a 4 year-old named Erin and she's really small and cute and has no idea I'm using her name in my story.

Congrats again to Melanie.

(( _______

_______ / \o o\ 

/o / \ / \ \

/ o /o \ / o \o____o\ )) 

(( / _____o/ \ \ /o /

\o o\ / \ / o /

\o o\ o/ \ /______o/

\o____o\ / )) ))

                                                                              my friend made those dice. Cool, aint they? (^.^, Howmayihelpyou)


	5. Cooties in the Guys' Bathroom

A/N: wow! You guys are so nice to me! *=D* thanx! Thanx! Thanx for all the reviews! Because of your generosity, you get and extra-long chapter! I was really surprised how long this chappie turned out. But I just got one idea, then that turned into another idea and so on. Then I got writer's block. Then I started thinking about the stuff that should happen once the movie starts and got off-track. Then I got really busy and had barely any time to type. And here I am making excuses for myself. Darn me.  
  
I was going to make this chapter all about previews, but then my ideas changed and I only got 2 in. I guess I just want to get on with the movie. So maybe a few of you may be disappointed, or maybe not. I don't know! Don't ask me!  
  
Wow, I was just reading my story over again and realized how stupid chapter 4 looked (with a little help from Bloody Lily) because of all the script writing. I'm gonna fix that....as soon as I have time. In the mean time, leave me alone about that.  
  
Disclaimer: nope. Own nothin. Getting nothin. Just for fun. If you sue, then you are just an evil person who likes to make little children cry. Um...never mind.... You would just end up with a very angry and broke person.  
  
I mean VERY angry...*Adds "people who sue" on mental list of people to kill*  
  
I suggest you stop reading my author's notes. I tend to get a bit evil...  
  
*Screams* I HAVE 4 TICKETS FOR THE DARKNESS CONCERT!!!!! Boo-ya! ^.^ If you like The Darkness, chocolate frogs for you! Jeez, I like to give out a lot of virtual stuff don't I? O well. Everyone likes free stuff. Eep. Are author's notes supposed to be over 300 words long? Don't answer that. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
yay! Chappie 5! Summery: previews! (Um...I little later on...like I said: I got some ideas...) Woohoo! And we get to see if Peter survives! (Viresse0: I'd be one too. Definatly. The little rat wouldn't have lived another second.)  
  
Chapter 5: Cooties in the Guys' Bathroom  
  
---------- ----------- --------- ---------- ----- -----  
  
As a trailer for The Terminator 3 began, the audience fell silent. Except for Padfoot and Prongs of course. James had just discovered that he got A.B.C. gum on his shirt when he fell on the floor earlier.  
  
James tries to wipe it off but only succeeded on getting it on his hand.  
  
"Ew, gross!" James shouted.  
  
He then tried to get it off his hands by wiping it on Sirius.  
  
"Ew, gross!" Sirius shouted.  
  
Sirius then tried to get it off by wiping it on the seat in front of him. He didn't seem to notice that there was a string of gum that connected from James's shirt, to James's hand, to Padfoot's arm, to the seat in front of him. Soon, there was a big sticky mess.  
  
"Ew, gross!"  
  
Erin decided to join the conversation. "It smells like strawberry bubbly- gum!  
  
"Gross!"  
  
Lily leaned forward so she could see what all the commotion was about. "Ew, you guys are gross!"  
  
That got Sirius angry. "I'm not gross! James's is the gross one! He had that gross, gross stuff in the first place!  
  
"Hey! I'm not gross! You're gross...! Gross!"  
  
"Would you please stop saying gross! It's gross!" Melanie said, annoyed.  
  
"Ha-ha, you just said it! That means you're gross!" the 2 guys said triumphantly.  
  
Melanie: ...?  
  
Before anybody could say anything else, a person in one of the rows behind threw half of a gummy bear at them for being annoying. It got in James's hair.  
  
"Ew, gross!"  
  
And so it started all over again.  
  
Why don't you two just go find a bathroom and wash up instead of annoying the heck out of us all!?" Lily shouted.  
  
"Fine!"  
  
The two guys got up and stormed out of the theater looking for a bathroom.  
  
The two girls meanwhile sighed in relief.  
  
Melanie looked confused. "Wait a minute..." She looked around and screamed. "WHERE'S ERIN?!"  
  
Lily looked too. "Oh no..."  
  
Both girls exchanged a glance, screamed, and ran out of the theater _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
Sirius and James were getting lost. Sound familiar?  
  
"I think we came from the right," said Sirius.  
  
"Well, I thought we came from the left!"  
  
"I know! Let's go straight so neither of us will be wrong!"  
  
"That makes no sense."  
  
"You're the one who started this stupid conversation in the first place!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"Yes you did!"  
  
"No, you did!"  
  
"Ok I did...lets go backwards then!"  
  
"That's where we came from, genius!"  
  
"Why thank you, I always thought that my intelligence outnumbered yours."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Let's just ask a muggle then. They should know."  
  
"But muggles are stupid."  
  
"And so are you"  
  
"Oh, I'm the stupid one"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Gee, thanks"  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Just then, a muggle came around the corner. It was Herman. He had just finished his bus shift and was looking for some relaxation (which he barely ever got).  
  
Padfoot was overjoyed. "Wow! It's a muggle-bus reunion! Now all we need is the creepy homeless guy and we're all set!"  
  
Herman, when seeing the Marauders, screamed and ran.  
  
Sirius blinked. "That was rather rude."  
  
"Fine, don't say hi to us, bus driver-person," said James.  
  
Soon after, a crowd of angry muggles came by. One of them stopped to talk to the Marauders. It was a guy a little older than them. He looked a bit confused about seeing the two guys covered in bubble gum, but talked anyway.  
  
"Have you seen this kid, he's about your age, he's a little chubby, and is screaming about a jewelry club?" he said.  
  
James looked uncomfortable. "Um...jewelry club?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Never heard of him"  
  
"Ok. Thanks anyway."  
  
The muggle was about to leave to follow the crowd when Sirius shouted "Wait!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you know where the bathroom is?"  
  
"Right next to you."  
  
And so it was. The muggle left to go find the Jewelry-club-hater and left the 2 guys standing by the bathroom.  
  
Sirius looked at James. "And you said you were the smart one."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
As the muggle left, the Marauders saw a girl ask him what was going on.  
  
"Some idiot was dissin' Lord of the Rings!"  
  
"What?! Which way did he go?"  
  
"This way!"  
  
The girl joined the angry mob. As they left, other muggles joined too.  
  
Padfoot and Prongs walked into the bathroom and heard someone fall in one of the stalls.  
  
"Smart one, Wormtail," someone said.  
  
"Shut up,"  
  
James recognized the voices. "aren't you two supposed to be getting food?"  
  
"We already got the food."  
  
"Then why are you hiding in a bathroom stall?"  
  
"Because Peter just had to open his big mouth."  
  
"Something about a jewelry-club?" asked Sirius grinning.  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"A huge crowd of muggles just came by and they seem to be recruiting members."  
  
"Eep," said Peter.  
  
Sirius (being hungry again) rubbed his hands together and said, "So where's the food?"  
  
Remus came out the stall with Peter and arms full of snacks. James had to restrain Padoot from attacking it.  
  
Sirius: Must....get...fooooooooood....  
  
"SNUFFLES!!!"  
  
The marauders turned their heads just in time to see Erin barge into the bathroom.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Lily and Melanie didn't know where to go.  
  
"I think we should go left."  
  
"Well, I thought we should go right."  
  
"What about straight?"  
  
"That's another theater."  
  
"Oh"  
  
"Are you sure we should go right?"  
  
"Are you sure we should go left?"  
  
"What if we split up?"  
  
"No way! Haven't you ever watched Scooby-doo?  
  
"I think...it's the one with the dog right?"  
  
"Can't they ever do anything as a whole group? Nooooo... It's always 'Let's split up gang!'"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Then Shaggy and Scooby always end up on their own even though everybody else knows they screw everything up. And when they have someone else with them like Velma, she always loses her glasses! And then Daphne always gets kidnapped and... and... have they ever been split up with Fred?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Actually, I think he and Daphne are secretly going out and-"  
  
"SNUFFLES!!!"  
  
The two girls looked around to see a guys' bathroom right next to them.  
  
Lily blinked. "Was that always there?"  
  
"Is Erin in there?"  
  
"I think one of us has to go in."  
  
"Well I'm not going in, you go in!"  
  
"Well I'm not going in, you go in!"  
  
"You go in!"  
  
"You go in!"  
  
This went on for quite a few minutes until Melanie said, "What if both of us go in?"  
  
"Um...sure."  
  
Lily walked in. Melanie just stood there and snickered. "Sucker..."  
  
Lily came out of nowhere and dragged her in.  
  
***inside bathroom***  
  
The Marauders screamed.  
  
James was stuttering. "Wait-what-s-she's a girl. What's she doing in here?"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Prongs, she's 3 years old..."  
  
"But she's a girl!"  
  
"And you're a boy!" Erin chirped up. "Yucky! You have cooties!"  
  
The four guys looked confused. Was "cooties" an infectious muggle disease? Did they have cooties?! What horrors could this mysterious illness cause? Would they die from it? HOW LONG DID THEY HAVE TO LIVE?!  
  
The Marauders started to panic. What was going to happen to them? Maybe St.Mungo's had the cure!  
  
James ran over to the sink. "My mom always told me to wash my hands 20 times a day, but did I listen? Noooo...." He started to wash his hands using a ton of pink soap from the soap dispenser. "This should make up for it!" When the time came to rinse off his hands, the soap was so thick that he couldn't get it off.  
  
"Ahh! It's the attack of the evil soap!"  
  
James tried to get the soap off by wiping it on Sirius. Sirius tried to wipe it on Peter. Peter tried to wipe it on Remus. Remus didn't want the soap on him so he wiped it on James. Soon, Moony and Wormtail were covered in soap. Padfoot and Prongs were covered in bubble-gum, gummy-bear, and soap. This continued on for quite a while.  
  
Suddenly, Lily walked in unnoticed dragging Melanie with her. She came into a scene quite the opposite of what she expected: The floor a complete mess, the Marauders covered in pink, and Erin was sitting there giggling.  
  
Lily blinked, tilted her head, and said, "What the..."  
  
The marauders looked up. James said, "Eep."  
  
Remus turned on the sink and turned his head at an odd angle to try and get the soap out of his hair.  
  
Peter started eating popcorn.  
  
Sirius had an itch on his nose and went to scratch it. He somehow ended up inhaling soap. He hiccupped a bubble.  
  
Lily stood there stupidly and blinked again. "Dare I ask?" she said.  
  
"They has cooties!!!" said Erin with her bad English. Then she ran over to Snuffles to giggle at the soap bubbles he was still hiccupping.  
  
Lily briefly remembered a time when she was in elementary muggle-school when she didn't know she was a witch yet and everyone believed that the opposite sex had "cooties". Then she remembered that the marauders never went to a muggle school and almost laughed out loud. She decided to play along.  
  
"Uh-oh, Erin," she said pretending to be scared. "Don't get too close! If Snuffles touches you, you'll get cooties too!"  
  
Erin started to scoot away, but too late! Sirius grinned and grabbed her by the arm. "Nooooooooooo!" she yelled playfully trying to get away.  
  
"Ha-ha!" said Remus who was pointing at Erin. "You have cooties!"  
  
"So do you!" said Lily who was watching the scene she caused, amused.  
  
"And so do- wait... no you don't! Get them!" he shouted. This started a big game of tag with everyone against Melanie and Lily. Melanie was about to lock herself in a bathroom stall when she stopped and remembered something. She grinned, turned around and said, "Circle-circle, dot-dot now I got the cootie shot!!!" as fast as she could. "HA! I'm immune!"  
  
Lily stopped jealous wondering why she didn't think of that when James playfully grabbed her from behind. As a defensive reflex, she elbowed him in the stomach. "Oops..." she said after seeing who it was. Prongs staggered backwards with an "Oof!" and ran into Melanie.  
  
Lily was still jealous. Though she didn't show it, Lily could hold a grudge. Even a very stupid one like not being the one to think of getting the cootie-shot. "Wait a minute!" she said. "You didn't circle and dot your arm! Now you have cooties!"  
  
"Darn..."  
  
"So..." said Padfoot who now had Erin sitting on his lap. "Now we all have cooties. What now? Wait... WE ALL HAVE COOTIES! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
  
****Outside bathroom****  
  
A normal muggle was whistling and heading towards the bathroom. (Um... let's call him Fred. Fred's a cool name.) All of a sudden, he heard, "WE ALL HAVE COOTIES! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
  
Fred stopped, blinked, and walked away backwards in the opposite direction. Still whistling.  
  
****Inside Bathroom****  
  
"You're not going to die," Lily said while laughing at the chaos she and a 3 year-old had caused. "Cooties isn't even real!"  
  
"What?!" Erin shouted. She angrily turned to Melanie. "You telled me that cooties was real!"  
  
"What? No I-"then it dawned on Melanie. "Oooooh. I remember! It was that time where you were about to get into that guy's car who said he had gummy bears and-"  
  
"I was lied to!"  
  
"Now listen, just because you think that the world is filled with happy little people who really wanna give you gummy bears doesn't mean..."  
  
"I was lied to!" Erin cried again.  
  
"No you weren't," Lily said, thinking fast. "What I meant to say was... um... that cooties takes so long to take effect that it seems like it's not real."  
  
"Really?" said everyone in unison.  
  
How stupid are these people? Lily thought to herself. "Uh, sure. Cooties takes um... at least 45 years to take effect!" she said quickly. "So by that time, you're practically dead already!"  
  
That didn't make Snuffles any happier. "But then we'll only be...--he counted his fingers—60 something and a half! I made a vow 3 days ago that I would live to be older than Dumbledore! And he has to be older than Hogwarts!"  
  
Melanie blinked. "Dumbledore? Hogwarts?"  
  
"Ew..." said Erin making a face. "Hog warts are yucky! They're warts! On piggies! Why would you wanna be older than a old pig-wart? Ew! Snuffles is a pig wart!"  
  
"I am not!"  
  
"Pig-wart, pig-wart, Snuffles is a pig-wart!" Erin sang.  
  
"Stop it! I am not a pig-wart!"  
  
"Of course you're a pig-wart, pig-wart," Prongs joked.  
  
"Want me to get you some Wart-Off for you, Pig-Wart?" asked Peter.  
  
"Yes...I mean-NO!"  
  
That only encouraged them more.  
  
"I AM NOT A PIG-WART!!!"  
  
****Outside Bathroom****  
  
Fred was once again heading towards the bathroom in hopes that the cootie- weird-people were gone. He was whistling.  
  
"I AM NOT A PIG-WART!!!"  
  
This time Fred stopped whistling. Then he walked backwards heading back to the theater with a full bladder for the second time. He guessed that he would just have to wait until the movie was over to go to the bathroom. They should be gone by then. He could stand 3 hours of Lord of the Rings without having to go, right? Right?  
  
****Inside Bathroom****  
  
"Just stop your complaining, Pig-Wart. We need to get back to the movie before we miss it!"  
  
"I can live with that," said the Jewelry-Club-Hater.  
  
"C'mon!" said Lily who pushed everyone out of the bathroom. "We've been here long enough."  
  
"But I never got all the soap out of my hair!" Remus complained.  
  
"I think you'll live."  
  
"I bet that wouldn't be the story if it were your hair," Remus muttered.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Oh, nothing."  
  
James tried to smell Lily's hair.  
  
A group of muggles who were confused when seeing Fred walk backwards twice, were even more confused when they saw 6 teens come out of the men's bathroom with a three year-old; 3 of them being girls. They blinked, and started walking backwards whistling.  
  
"Is it just me, or are the muggles getting weirder?" said Pig-Wart.  
  
"What the heck is a muggle?" asked Melanie.  
  
The 5 other teens looked uncomfortable.  
  
"I know!" Erin shouted. "It's a weird thing that's stupid and runs on electric!"  
  
"Huh?" said everyone else.  
  
Erin sighed (which is kind of funny to see a 3 year-old do). "I think you're all a muggle."  
  
"Um...sure," said Remus. "Hey, isn't that our theater?" he asked gratefully changing the subject.  
  
"Yay!!!" said Erin, running into the theater. "Movies!"  
  
Sirius ran in after his friend. "Wait for me, Cub!"  
  
Melanie raised an eyebrow. "Cub? Is that Sirius's teddy-bear side kicking in?"  
  
"Probably," said the Marauders.  
  
"Am I the only one without a nickname?" Melanie said.  
  
"Besides Lily, yes," said Peter.  
  
"Good," said the 2 girls in unison.  
  
All of the teens finally got back to the theater where the previews were still going on. They found Sirius and Erin sitting in their seats, which confused them. Padfoot and Cub being good? The world has turned upside- down! Then they figured out they were only being good because they were having a quiet contest. They found that out because when Erin said "Hi!" Sirius claimed himself the winner. Someone in the back row told them to shut up and threw another gummy bear at them.  
  
It got in James's hair. "Hey!" he shouted.  
  
This is funny.  
  
"Excuse me?! I have no reason to think that this is funny in any way!"  
  
I don't know where to begin.  
  
"What are you even talking about?!" James glared at the movie screen.  
  
*The screen showed a red-head talking*  
  
"Look! It's Lily!" said Peter.  
  
Lily looked insulted. "No it's not!" She paused. "Who is that anyway?! She has no right to look like me! .... Or at least have the same color hair...,"  
  
"That's Mary-Jane Watson," said Melanie. "She's talking to Peter Parker. He's Spiderman."  
  
"Spiderman?" said Remus. "I hate spiders! Why would you wanna be a spider?!"  
  
"It's a comic book," said Melanie. "Haven't you ever heard of it?"  
  
"Am I supposed to know what it's about?"  
  
"You've never heard of Spiderman?!"  
  
"No...."  
  
James meanwhile, was staring at Mary-Jane in awe.  
  
Mary-Jane: Do you love me, or not?  
  
"I love you!" cried James  
  
Peter: I....don't  
  
*Mary-Jane looked hurt* You don't.  
  
James was outraged. "It's okay Lily! I love you! Forget that son of a—"  
  
"What did you just call her?!" Lily shouted. "I can't believe you! How could you mistake her for.... For me?!"  
  
"But....but...I...," James stuttered.  
  
"It's ok 'Mary-Jane'," said Sirius who was close to laughing. "It's an easy mistake to make. You know.... The red-head thing."  
  
"Oh, don't give me that crap! And don't call me that!"  
  
"Oh, ok.... M.J.," Padfoot said.  
  
This time Sirius got smacked.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Don't hurt my Snuffles!" cried Cub who ran to sit on Sirius's lap again.  
  
"Aw....do you like Sirius?" said Melanie who was trying to keep a straight face during all of this.  
  
"Yes I do! He's my boyfriend!"  
  
Pig-Wart nearly dropped Erin. "W-what?" he managed to say.  
  
Erin just smiled and gave him a hug. Sirius sat there blinking for the next few minutes.  
  
M.J.: Kiss me.  
  
"Ok!" said James and before Lily could do anything, he turned and kissed her smack on the lips.  
  
Lily pulled away and gaped at Prongs.  
  
The Marauders cheered.  
  
Melanie cheered.  
  
The audience cheered.  
  
Heck, even Erin cheered.  
  
Lily shook herself out of her trance, grabbed James's arm, and pulled him to the front row in the theater where no one could really see them.  
  
The other teens blinked several times.  
  
"Um...," said Moony. "How did that just happen?"  
  
Erin meanwhile, was in her own little trance while staring at Sirius. Pig- Wart noticed this and slightly scooted away.  
  
Remus was back to watching the preview. "Whoa! When they told us that Polyjuice shouldn't be used with animals, they weren't kidding!"  
  
Everyone looked at the screen to see what the heck he was talking about and jumped when the saw a guy with metal arm things sticking out of his back.  
  
"Did he try to make Polyjuice Potion from Medusa?" asked Peter.  
  
"Yes, Wormtail," said Sirius sarcastically. "He tried to turn himself into Medusa." Then he looked at the guy again. "Or maybe he did..."  
  
Now the screen showed Spiderman swinging around the city.  
  
"Wow, I wish I could do that," sighed Melanie. "But I can't... mainly because of the non-spider-powers and fear of heights."  
  
"James would love doing that," said Remus thoughtfully. "He's always fly- I mean... climbing trees... and... falling," he finished stupidly.  
  
Wormtail and Padfoot were still in deep conversation about Medusa-Man.  
  
"But those weren't snakes and they weren't on his head!"  
  
"Yeah... then what animal was he trying to be?"  
  
"Hmm... we should ask the professor once we get back to school!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Snuuuuuuuuufles! Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?" said Erin jumping back on Sirius's lap.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know," said Erin, who poked Padfoot, then ran away giggling to the front of the theater to where James and Lily were. "Eeeeeeew! They're going to get momoocliosis! (A/N:*Mononucleosis in little-kid language*)"  
  
The audience was starting to stare at them again.  
  
"Nothing happened!" Lily shouted as Erin ran giggling again to her seat. It was getting quite annoying. After Erin, Lily hurried to her seat too while trying to make herself look as small as possible. She sat down, shrank into her seat, and blushed the same color as her hair.  
  
Not too soon after came James whose hair (if possible) was even messier than usual. He seemed to be in shock. He usually received a smack (and sometimes a kick) whenever he tried to kiss Lily.  
  
The other teens raised their eyebrows at them then decided to drop the subject (mainly to protect themselves from the wrath of Mary-Jane Evans). Then everyone decided to pay attention to the movie screen for once.  
  
The screen went dark again and it showed a train stopped on the middle of a bridge.  
  
"That can't be good," James commented.  
  
"That train looks familiar," Remus commented.  
  
"James, you smell like Lily's perfume," Sirius commented.  
  
The screen went dark again and it said "Something Wicked This Way Comes".  
  
"Now that's stupid!" said James. "Why not say 'something wicked comes this way' or 'something wicked is coming this way' or 'Hide because there is a wicked thing coming this way!'"  
  
"Shut up James," said M.J. in one of her know-it-all voices. "They obviously want to make it sound creepy."  
  
"Then why not say 'there is a creepy thing coming this way that also happens to be wicked'?"  
  
The other teens sighed except Peter who thought that Prongs had a point.  
  
Now the screen showed carriages on a street that said Hogsmeade.  
  
"Wait a minute," said Moony, confused. "This is a muggle theater, isn't it?"  
  
"Why do you guys keep talking about muggles?" asked Melanie.  
  
"Because...," said Lily trying to think. "Because they think that the owner of the theater sells drugs."  
  
"Oh," said Melanie who went on to wondering if the Marauders themselves did drugs.  
  
"Welcome, welcome! To another year at Hogwarts!" said an old and oddly looking familiar old man on the screen.  
  
This time the Marauders and Lily all jumped and looked at the screen with wide eyes. This confused Melanie more. Erin meanwhile said, "More pig- warts? Jeez, there sure are a lot of them."  
  
"But- but- but...," Wormtail stuttered. "How... when... who... but-but..."  
  
A chorus began to sing and different scenes appeared from different The Prisoner of Azkaban.  
  
The magical teens were shocked and all started to talk and stutter at one time.  
  
"Was that you, James?"  
  
"Was that the bus that somebody decided was too annoying to ride?"  
  
"Is Dumbledore plotting this?"  
  
"No that wasn't me!"  
  
"Why are they all holding giant toads?" asked Melanie. No one listened to her.  
  
"Who's that?"  
  
"Looks like Snivillus's dad."  
  
"Funny, I've always imagined his father having fangs..."  
  
"What does his dad have to do with anything anyway?"  
  
"Maybe this movie is based on an evil parallel universe!"  
  
"Stop telling me about parallel universes! We've had enough of those during that time you made a wish on that stupid shooting star!"  
  
"What are you guys talking about?" asked Melanie who was going insane with lack of information. Again, no one listened to her.  
  
"Did Mr. Snivellus just put on a dress?"  
  
"I think he did."  
  
"This is great! We can really use this once we get back to school! I can see the banners... 'Snape's dad is a cross-dresser!' Ooh... we can hold this against him forever!"  
  
"Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban prison."  
  
"I did WHAT?" Padfoot yelped. "But- I didn't do anything to get me in Azkaban! Maybe a few hundred detentions... but not Azkaban!"  
  
A picture of an older Sirius is laughing its head off.  
  
"I knew Padfoot would someday go bonkers."  
  
"Shut up! And that's not me!!!"  
  
"Was that a cat, or a dust bunny gone evil?" asked Remus.  
  
"Definitely dust bunny," said Peter.  
  
"Swear to me you wont go looking for Black"  
  
"Why do you want to find me for? I'm an innocent adolescent trying to watch a movie! I never did anything!"  
  
"Sure you didn't...," said M.J.  
  
"Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me?"  
  
"Here's a question!" shouted an angry Padfoot. "Why doesn't everyone shut up about me or I will try to kill them!"  
  
"And there's Dumbledore again! What's he trying to do? Reveal us to the muggles?"  
  
"And that looked like McGonagall!"  
  
A glass door was slowly being opened by a cloaked figure.  
  
"DEMENTORS!" the magical teens all screamed.  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?!" someone in the back of the theater yelled angrily.  
  
"You shut up!" yelled Remus.  
  
"You want to start something, punk?"  
  
"Bring it on, toad-dung!"  
  
The other kids stared at Remus. "Toad-dung?" Sirius mouthed at him. Remus shrugged.  
  
Lily looked behind her seat where large man (who looked pretty tough) was beginning to stand up about 10 rows behind her. She gulped and cleared her throat. Then she deepened her voice and said, "Um... sorry about that. I... um... will try not to talk again. Please sit and enjoy the movie and don't hurt me!"  
  
The other teens looked amused at Lily's imitation of Remus. Well except for Remus of course.  
  
"I do NOT sound that wimpy!" he said glaring at her.  
  
The Marauders snorted at this comment.  
  
"Of course you do!" said Erin who had been watching the previews this whole time. "Your voice is funny!" Then she poked Moony just to add some randomness to the moment.  
  
Remus shifted in his seat and glared at nothing in particular.  
  
The theater went even darker because the previews were over.  
  
The wizards shivered as they thought of the dementor in the preview.  
  
"Hey!" said Cub with a pout. "I want more previews!" She poked Sirius on the arm. "Tell the movie people to make more previews!"  
  
"Um..." said Sirius.  
  
"Wouldn't you rather see the movie?" Lily asked her.  
  
"No! Previews are the best part!"  
  
"Well maybe you'll change your mind during the movie."  
  
Erin gave Lily a particularly hard poke and sat back to watch the movie with a scowl on her face.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Finally! End of chapter! That took forever! *pants from typing*  
  
*is angry all of a sudden* grr... one of the ppl in the Darkness is sick and now the concert is postponed!!!!!!  
  
*glares at no one*  
  
why didn't he take his vitamins??? *bangs head* I wanna gooooooooo!!! Evil illness. It must die.  
  
O well. On to thanking all my wonderful reviewers  
  
Divine Sanity: I think it's the Energizer commercials. Blah, don't listen to me. I'm a know-it-all sometimes. Lol. But a lot of people actually call me the Energizer Bunny. I'll remember your tip in the future! Thanx!  
  
Baron Von Halfsmurfen: (I like the name by the way): Yay! The world needs more weird people like us! It would be a much happier place.  
  
Hermione_girl: eep! Sorry to keep you waiting! I got REALLY off-track. And thank you sooooo much!  
  
Caipirinha The Piranha: yep! What would we do without them???? Answer me! Because I seriously have no idea! Lol  
  
Girl number 1: thank you! You are one of my favorite reviewers! You're so nice! ^.^  
  
Tara: that was exactly what I was thinking!  
  
Sirius-fan-0000: that preview was actually a bit hard to write. So I caused confusion instead. And I REALLY wanted to get done with the previews so I hope that part wasn't too bad.  
  
Viresse0: like I said before: me too. ^.^  
  
ILUVPADFOOTANDPRONGS: but stupidness is fun!  
  
Howmayihelpyou: he he... I like basing this story on real situations! It fun!  
  
Vic: thanx thanx thanx!!!  
  
Bloody Lily: *sniff* I wish I was there to kill Barbie dolls... yes. Evil mr. R... grr...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ok! Done for now! Hey I just realized that the movie starts next chapter! Yay!  
  
See ya!  
  
*~ELVETT~*  
  
_______  
| O O | __| \_/ |___ --------- weird square thing that I just felt like making  
|______ |  
_ | |_ 


	6. Pino Kio's Revenge

A/N: I wrote this chapter over a year ago. It's unfinished, but I decided to post it anyway. I hope it's obvious I quit this story. ( sorry.

**This chapter is.…odd.**

Chappie 6 ! Pino Kio's Revenge

"**_I amar prestar aen… the world is changed…"_** whispered some mysterious narrator from the movie (a.k.a. Galadriel).

James looked up. "What the heck?"

"_**Han mathon ne nen… I feel it in the water…"**_

"Ok, mysterious lady person," said James. "Now you make no sense. First of all, how can you feel the world changing in the water? Is the water moving? Because we saw this one movie at Lily's where the water was moving but that was only because there was a giant lizard coming and every time the lizard thingy took a step the ground moved and that made the water in the puddle move and then there was this one guy going to the bathroom and the giant lizard ate the guy and… hmm… I don't think he ever finished going to the bathroom and…" he just kept talking.

Meanwhile, the others were also watching oblivious to the fact that Prongs was even saying anything at all.

"_**Han mathon ne chae… I feel it in the earth… a han noston ned 'wilith… I smell it in the air…" **_

Prongs glared at the screen and said, "Would you STOP talking already lady? I can't hear the movie!"

"You're still a muggle!" piped up Erin. "That's the MOVIE, stupid-head!"

"YOU'RE the stupid-head!"

"You!"

"You!"

"SHUT UP!" said everyone else in the theater.

"You shut up!" shouted Sirius, defending his two friends, who were now arm-wrestling to settle the shouting match. Erin was winning.

"That is IT!" The entire theater turned to see who had shouted, when an usher came walking down the middle of the largest isle. It took them a few seconds of blinking in order to comprehend that the usher was wearing a Ringwraith cloak. The only way they could tell he was an usher was because of the glow-stick thing he was holding in his hand… and the fact that Ringwraiths could only enter public facilities with a Wraith-warrant. And the only recorded guy with a WW was currently in a facility for the insane.

"Who dares disrupt the greatest movie of all time!" he demanded. "This movie here happens to be the 33rd time I've ever seen it, and 33 was the age of Frodo Baggins of the Shire when Bilbo departed, hence the beginning of the great journey! 33 is a sacred number! NO ONE SHALL DESTROY THE SACREDNESS OF THE SACRED NUMBER WHILST WATCHING THE SACRED MOVIE!" He pulled out a plastic sword. "Now, WHO had disrupted the mighty sacredness! WHO!"

It took all of the audience's self-control they had in order for them to keep a straight face. One poor muggle however, Pino Kio, an immigrant from China, could not understand English and was openly laughing at the usher. He didn't even know this was a movie theater; he thought it was an opera house. Pino also thought he was watching a comedy and this was all part of the show. How wrong the poor Pino Kio was.

"That's it, Mr. Funny-Man, you're 'outta here!" The usher took the plastic kid's toy and hit Pino on the head with it. Pino, very offended, lit a firework and threw it at the usher. Sparks of red and gold flew everywhere.

"Hooray!" shouted the Marauders. "He's a Gryffindor!"

Meanwhile, some of the seats caught fire. No one noticed.

Now that his costume was ruined, all were able to see the mysterious usher's nametag. His name was Don Ki. He was also a Chinese immigrant, but could speak English. After getting a good look at the other man, he gasped.

"So, you have decided to follow me, Pino." He said in a would-be evil voice. "You know that you shall never win."

The audience blinked.

Pino said something in Chinese. It meant, "I know of your little plan, Don. You shall never capture the marshmallow land!"

Sirius gasped. "Not the marshmallow land!"

"Blabooshkamoongo!" Erin randomly said. No one heard her.

"You speak Chinese?" asked Lily, slightly interested in what Sirius was talking about for once.

"Of course! All of us Blacks must learn the language. It is a family necessity. How else could we have made our fortunes? We Blacks have invested in Filibuster Fireworks –which originated in China- for generations. My great great great great great great great great great great-,"

"Anyone else smell smoke?" asked Erin.

Everyone ignored her, for they were rooting for Pino Kio, even if they didn't know what he was talking about. For all they knew, Don Ki started it.

"Give it up, Pino," said Don. "I know of your true identity."

"You wouldn't dare," replied Pino, with fear in his eyes.

"I know…," said Don, "that you used to be…"

"Noooooo!"

"….a puppet."

That was it. Pino Kio was defeated. Well, kind of. All he did from then on was sit on the floor in a fetal position rocking back and forth, and saying over and over again, "I'm a real boy… I'm a real boy…"

Don Ki raised his arms in victory. "And that's my cue to exit," he said, while putting what remained of his Ringwraith cloak on his head. It was about the size of a cookie. He walked through the smoke and into a wall, glared at everyone, then marched out of the room. Everyone stared at him. Then they finally realized that smokefire. They looked around to see that it was coming from a particularly large group of seats. THAT'S when the pandemonium began.

"Run!" shouted Remus, who was trying to pull Sirius onto his feet. Padfoot was oblivious to everything that had happened because he was still saying,

"-great great great great great great great great uncle was partners with Dr. Foo Filibuster himself! Foo died a mysterious death, so my great great great great great great-,"

All the muggles had already run out of the theater. For some odd reason there were no sprinklers in the facility so the flames continued to grow. Stupid movie theater.

The only ones left were the teens and a 3 year-old who were all trying to get Sirius to shut up and get out of the theater. Then they all just gave up and did that whole "I'll take an arm!" "Take the other leg!" thing and carried Padfoot out of the large room instead. Erin was too short and just hung there.

"Weeeeeeeee!" she said gleefully.

Soon the group was safely out in the hallway.

"-great great great great great great great great great great uncle then inherited the business, but then he died too and decided to sell it. But he was really a ghost and ghosts were highly discriminated against way back then, so he put all the money in the bank and now it's all richy and stuff and and and…."

"James….," whispered Lily, who was unwillingly holding one of Sirius's feet, suspicion in her eyes.

Prongs (who was carrying the other foot) in turn raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Yes, my Lillykins?"

"You didn't happen to _accidently_ attack Sirius with a Gibbering Jinx, have you? I've seen you do wandless magic on purpose before and for one, I-"

James cut her off while looking at her in horror. "Wha-? NO! I cannot believe you don't trust me. After all we've been through together, you just ASSUME that before the summer holidays I cast a Gibbering Jinx on a piece of candy and then brought some along with me when we went to the muggle-theater and slipped the candy into Sirius's drink! What ever gave you the idea that I would do something like that!"

Lily blinked. "You put spells on CANDY of all things?" and then she added, "And what do you mean 'after all we've been through together'? We aren't even going out!"

"I…," said James dramatically, "I don't know you anymore, Lillian Evans! Goodbye! I am off to join the dark side!"

The Marauders gasped.

"Not V-V-V-V-Vol-V-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" gasped Peter, sounding awfully like Porky-Pig.

"No, I'm that stupid, stupid! I meant him!" said Prongs, pointing to Don-Ki, who was now attacking the manager of the theater with the plastic sword. Apparently, he was fired for waltzing out of a burning theater without telling anyone that it was on fire, and then stopping to snag himself some popcorn like nothing was happening.

"Wha-?" said Don, ceasing the attack.

"C'mon!" said James, grabbing Don's arm. "We are going to our sacred lair of evilness where we shall devise our evil plots!" And so James led him into the bathroom that they had been in less than a half-hour ago.

"Surely the weirdoes either left or are watching the movie by now, whoever they are!" Fred thought happily to himself as he once again headed towards the bathroom.

"Alright," said James, pulling out a piece of paper, a marker, and some little green army men, "here's the plan, Donkey-Dude. I'm going to call you that from now on, okay?" He ignored Don Ki's protests. "Good. Now, I'm going to be positioned over here in the corner of the theater, and YOU (he-he, you're the little green guy with one leg right there, see? Woops, I just took the other leg off… well, we're just going to pretend you have no legs, kay?) will be over here behind where they sell the popcorn. I give you the signal, which is blowing up the crane machine with some of my Filibusters, then (woops, there goes your arm!) you crawl (since you have only one limb left) over to all the popcorn machines and, using your remaining arm, create the largest amount of popcorn ever!"

Don blinked, while James gave an evil laugh.

"-an amount so great, that the entire building will FILL with popcorn! Sound's great, huh?"

"Er… I don't think…."

"I know! It IS the greatest plan ever created by man, isn't it? No need to congradulate me, for I already know of my greatness."

"But-but-but…"

"No need to worry, I think I'm strong enough to carry you out of the building since you only have one (Oh, woops again, I mean none) of your limbs left. Hehehehehe… there's no win for Lily. Either she gets trapped inside the corn-filled theater, or she will be forced to eat her way out and become fat! The world will be ours, my limbless (and now headless) friend!"

Fred gave up and decided to go outside and find a porta-potty or tree instead.

"That's it," said Remus, walking over to the arcade and sitting behind the wheel of a car game. "Prongs has lost it, and I'm stuck here with a babbling moron, a clueless muggle with a hyperactive 3 year old, a stuttering idiot, and a girl with a personality like she's constantly menstral."

Lily walked over and was about to smack him when…

"Hello, all!"

Pino Kio was walking over to them, having obviously gotten over his nervous breakdown in the theater that was currently being put out by some number of firefighters.

"I couldn't help but notice your predicament, and the fact that we share a common enemy….the dreaded Don-Ki and his accomplice… whatever-his-name-was!"

Remus spoke up. "Actually, we don't really care about the usher, and James is going to come back in five minutes anyway because he can't concentrate on one thing for more than five minutes. We're just waiting here until he gets bored and comes back." He paused. "  
And since when do you speak English anyway?"

"I have always been able to speak English. The less the enemy knows, the better."

"Okay…" said Lily, "well, here comes James, see? He's over there, and –JAMES POTTER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WITH THOSE FIREWORKS?"

BOOM!

Before anyone knew it, stuffed animals were flying everywhere, as countless muggles began to scream and run of the building and into the parking lot where their cars were parked. There, they saw Fred…doing something behind a tree and screamed again.

Back inside the now-deserted theater…..

James had been knocked unconscious by a stuffed rabbit (The eyes of stuffed animals freaking hurt!).

The explosion knocked Sirius out of his Gibbering Jinx.

Erin found 5 more teddy bears.

Lily was fuming.

Remus began dragging James over to their group.

Pino was hit over the head with a popcorn bucket by Don who, having made his move by diving behind the popcorn counter, could gain his attention.

"Alright, Pino. It is time for us to settle this once and for all." He turned on the popcorn machine. "HAHAHAHAHA! Once this theater fills with popcorn and blows up, everyone will blame you!"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would everyone blame me? It makes no sense, really. And there are several witnesses here anyway who obviously don't like you. I don't exactly understand how I can get blamed."

Don blinked. "Quiet, you fiend! Once the theater blows up, there shall be no witnesses!"

"…Right."

"AHA! Look! It is already beginning to pop! Say goodbye to your freedom, you stinking puppet!"

However, he popcorn machine as it turned out, was not a very good one. One piece popped every five seconds. Don kicked it.

"C'mon, C'MON, you stupid machine! Ow! Don't you shoot your popcorn at me! Fill the theater! FILL THE THEATER!"

pop

"Ow!"

The teenagers sat down and watched the scene. Some with interest, some without. Erin had already slipped unseen to the counter and was now trying to catch the escaping popcorn in her mouth.

"I'm bored," said Sirius, watching Pino grab a bucket, put it on Don's head, and start hitting it with a spoon.

"Me too," complained Peter, watching Erin grab the popcorn that he wanted. He'd go over there too, but Donkey-dude scared him.

"Why did we come here again?" asked Remus, scratching his head.

"Because," began Prongs, "Lily's sister scares us, and the muggle-busdriver didn't like us, then Lily wanted to go shopping and we somehow ended up here." he paused. "I think."

Don Ki was laughing for the bucket was now on Pino who was now taking his turn getting hit with a spoon.

…..and this is as far as I'll ever get on this story. I've just recently decided I should give you this part of the chapter

before I delete it from my computer. Sorry. Wow this story is weird.


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